A New Set of Eyes

It’s official.
We have one more month of ministry.
8 days of ministry in Gulu.
10 days of ministry in Kitgum and Lira.
In a sense it’s crunch time. At the same time I am exhausted.  However the question is not if I will finish this race, but how will I finish it?

I look back at Jesus’ time on earth. He was with His disciples until He was taken into custody. He was so submitted to the Father’s will regardless of what He wanted. He never gave up. Even on the cross He was showing love to the ones hanging beside Him. He never gave up. He died and is resurrected. He still spent time on earth before going back to the Father, speaking truth and pursuing hearts. He never gave up. He ascended into heaven and still He intercedes for me and is my mediator and the passionate pursuer of my heart. He never gives up.

So why would I? Jesus gave His all, even to death, and He endured with joy. I wonder what it was like for Jesus each day. Was He always excited and full of passion or did He just live a perfect life of radical obedience? Every day I have the choice to follow Jesus. It does not get easier with each day. As we are nearing the end, my flesh is getting weaker and weaker. To be honest, I am ready for a break. I have the choice; I can slow down because I am tired or I can run even harder because the end is in sight. I don’t want to walk away with anything left in me. I hope and pray I will be able to say the same thing Paul did in 2 Timothy 4:7 (for this season of my life) “I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

As I was riding on the boda today I thought back to the two years before leaving for Uganda. Ask any of my friends and family what I was dreaming and they would say, “She wants to go to Uganda. Her heart is for Uganda because that’s where God’s heart is.” I remember being so excited and passionate about this place and people I had never met; I felt this love for them that I could not explain. Now I am here. I have been here for seven months. I have lived and still am living my dream.

It’s just that now, it does not feel like a dream.  It’s my reality. So what do I do when the glitz and glamour has faded away? Do I respond the typical American way by moving on to the next thing that will grab and hold my attention for a while until I am bored with that and move on to the next thing? I can’t tell you how thankful I am that God does not do this with us. He’s in it for the long haul and so was Jesus while here on earth.

So I am in it 100% until the end. If it were not for Jesus, I could not do this. I could for a little while, but once the glory and fun has faded and this becomes every day life, what is it that is propelling me? I had to ask this question, because I desperately needed a new set of eyes, if even for one last month.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 says, “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”

It’s His love that compels me. Without His love this is all in vain and worthless. People desperately need it. It really does come down to life or death. I have one more month to share His love with as many people as I can! Because I have decided that I will finish strong and be able to say I gave my all for Uganda.

Jesus, thank you for the way you lived and loved while here on earth. Thank you for the way you continue to love me. You never give up and you take every opportunity as a blessing to share Your love with people. You see things so different than I do in my flesh. Jesus, I want Your eyes and Your heart for the people here. Your heart is full of love because it is who You are. I am at the end of myself, but I thank You that You have given me all I need. All I need is You and You are faithful. I love you, Always and Forever.

-Kimberley Taylor

He who Promised is Faithful

“Just wanted to let you all know, there is a chance we may not be coming back to Arua”, Jay informed us as we set out towards Arua. I was shocked to say the least. At the same time, I felt relief as my first thought came, “Yes. This may be our way out.” Don’t worry; that perspective did not last too long.

While Arua is the toughest week of the month for me, deep down I knew if God wanted us to stay, I would. I just did not know if I would have the best attitude about it at that point. Jay proceeded to tell us that we would meet as a team half way through the week and wait on God to see if He wanted us to stay or to move on. It made ministry a bit tricky, knowing we may or may not be coming back to Arua. However, it made our team want to push harder to know, even if we ended up leaving, we gave it our all.

Maegan and I realized on day two that everyone on the Arua team was always so exhausted during our weeks there. Initially we thought it was because of the busier schedule, but this time we saw from the moment we pulled into Arua our team was tired and less motivated. It was during dinner one night that Emily, Maegan and I realized there was a spirit of fatigue over the city of Arua. We decided we did not like it so we had a prayer and worship night to break it off.

I was not prepared for what happened next. There was no crazy encounter with God, ministry did not suddenly become easy, and we were not exploding with energy the next day. It was even better. After hearing God’s heart for the people of Arua and praying it over this city to break off chains holding them back, we each got a piece of God’s heart for Arua.

There was no longer this burden of sharing because we had to. We saw God’s burden for Arua and the way His heart desperately longs for them.

So the time came to make the decision. After waiting on God, we all got the same answer. God told us that our time in Arua was up, we had faithfully sown for this season, and His covenant stands with Arua whether we are there or not. You would think I would be jumping up and down with excitement because initially that is what I wanted. After catching a glimpse of God’s heart, this was no longer the case.

Although I was at peace with this decision, my first thought was, “If we aren’t here to tell the people of Arua about Jesus then who will?” God gently reminded me that we are not the answer, He is. His love is so furious for the people of Arua and He is never going to stop pursuing them, even long after we leave. We were simply given the opportunity to partner with Him for a little while. For me, it is taking more trust to walk away because I am entrusting Arua back to God after He entrusted Arua to me. Arua is His Bride and He will not stop pursuing her. Oh how I long for the day when Arua, His Beloved, and the Lord are made one again.

“And I will betroth Arua to me forever. I will betroth her to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth her to me in faithfulness.” Hosea 2:19

-Kimberley

There is joy in the journey, not just the destination.

I’ll be honest, my flesh rises up a lot— especially in the midst of full time ministry. Many days I find myself wanting to do something else rather than go out and share the gospel. I end up looking forward to when I can be “off work”. It’s just silly because God never responds to us with, “I’m sorry, can you come back Monday at 8 a.m. because I am off work right now.” That would go against the very nature of God. Yet, I find myself limiting when I will do ministry and when I will not.

I found out three weeks ago about our upcoming “pull back” (4 days of rest outside of Gulu). My first thought was, “Okay, I just need to get through the next three weeks and then I can rest and enjoy myself.”

Don’t worry, the Lord quickly yet gently rebuked me. He said, “You don’t have to wait until your pull back to enjoy yourself. You can find joy in the journey of every day with me.” Of course this is such a basic truth and I have heard this for so long, but I have yet to really experience it on a continual basis. I will put on a good face and act like I am joyful, but deep down sometimes I just plain don’t want to be doing what I am doing and am not enjoying myself. So I tell myself to “just get through it”.

All these feelings came to head this past week when five of us went to a predominantly Muslim city in Uganda called Arua. We expected to encounter more pushback when sharing the Gospel, and we did. It was the toughest ground I have been in since being in Uganda. Yet, in the midst of hostility and failure in the natural my mindset shifted.

I realized how ridiculous it is to source my joy in people and in seeing fruit in the natural. Simply having compassion on people is not enough to motivate me during the tough moments of not seeing fruit. I need more than that.

I love how God knows exactly what we need and gives it to us a lot of times before we even know that we need it. At the beginning of our week in Arua, the Lord told me it would be a week of thriving for our team. I believe it was, even though we may not have always physically seen it. He also told me, “No seed that we plant in Arua will be wasted.” He promised to bring to fruition every seed of truth planted as we walked out in obedience. Whether I saw the fruit or not, He told me to trust and walk out in faith that He would continue to grow it. On Thursday, it seemed everything I had been pouring my time and energy into all week had flopped. Then I remembered what the Lord had spoken.

Arua was the toughest week I have experienced in the natural since being in Uganda for several different reasons. Yet, I daily walked out in so much more joy than I had thus far. Each day I found joy in just walking with Jesus and going where He led me. What’s even more amazing is that it was not just for last week, but it’s a revelation of truth and experience finally joining together that will carry me through the rest of my time here and more.

I’ve found He is the only ultimate source for true, genuine joy. Other things can carry me for a little while, but sooner or later they fade. My portion is fullness of joy – not only when the circumstances are good. I receive fullness of joy in His presence. He is with me always in everything, so that means fullness of joy is waiting every moment of the day for me. I say yes and Amen to that one. Thank you, Jesus.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11